I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
