she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize