Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize