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• (407): View more from Florida

  The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful

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