She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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