Will you blow on my dice?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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