I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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