dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
