Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
