so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sext me about skeletons
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
