YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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