Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
