onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
