I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
