: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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