she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
