Pants 0. Shit 1.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
