a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why didn't you poke me back
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
