I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize