i think my tv is drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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