She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
