Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
