So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
