he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
