We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
