it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize