I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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