No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
