Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
