how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
