It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
