They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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