ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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