she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
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