$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
