Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
