this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to calm my uterus...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
