I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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