If that was your dad, he is hot
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
