I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
