sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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