Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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