You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
