So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
