I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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