If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
