Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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