yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
