The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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