He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
