You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
