So drunk its hurt
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
