So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
