I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize