and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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