Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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