The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's blow job season.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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