I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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