if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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