I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
