I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
