I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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