ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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