I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
