maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
