shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
