Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And then he peed in my hair
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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