Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
